Knnar

Baasses Telgram said:

CRUPTION IN KNNUR STOP WELL DIGGNG MONY HADPOED BY PLTICIANS STOP INVESTGT IMMDTLY STOP DONT STOP STOP

So, today I fly first time to South India, to Knnur in Krela for a spacial sttory about cruption. Oh, saary I have naat intraduced! Hallo! Mysalf Stwinder Singh. I am rporter for Chndigad Times. Krela is gaads own country and I look faarwad to trip. I will meet a rporter from the Knnur Times there. His name has many vowles and many 'ZH' in it and I am crrusponding with him as KP. The real name is vary diffcult to prnounce. 

KP meets me and takes me to Knnur town. He is vary thin with beard, jeans, khadi kurta, jhola and in Pnjaab the pliice woudd prbably arrest him as soon as they see him. Aalso his inglish is vary funny. This is sampel.

KP: Gud mourning Singhji.
Mysalf: Good maarning KPji.

KP: I hope you haad a playcent flite.

Mysalf: Yasji. Thank youji.

KP: Lettus go to the municippalitty oafice aant get some nollage about your khase.

Do you know how the val-digging scam wrks? In Narth India this is wat happns. The gorment has mney far dvelepment and the local pltician says there is no watr and gives prposal far making val. He takes 5 lakhs far this praaject and spands it aan shmmi kbabs and tnduri chicken. After some years pltician says the val watr has msquitos and is kasing mlaria and takes anothr 5 lakhs from gorment to fill up val. He again spands the mney on shmmi kbabs and tnduri chicken. When the gorment  comes for inspaction and meyyurment the pltician tells great story about watr and mlaria but there is nothing to see except size of plticians tummy full af shmmi kbabs and tnduri chicken.

In Krela the val is called a Knnar. And the place is Knnur. And I am getting Knnfused.

Mysalf: KPji what is there to see in the Knnur?

KP: It is a hill station in Karnadaga. You kaan go there by bus. But I thote you waanded to see ole the kinnars in Kannur. Why are you waanding to go to Coonoor?

Mysalf: KPji let us find out how mny new vals you have OK? My had is chakring!

There are only five new vals in Knnur and KP and mysalf visit aal. The vals have the mixture of plastic packets and watr but aal five are there.

I phone up baass!

Mysalf: Baass! Itthe Knnur ich tho sab theek hega. No cruption!

Baass: Oi Stwinder thu kitthe hai?

Mysalf: Baass Knnur in Krela.

Baass: Oi Stwinder thu paagal tho nahi ho gaya? I sad KANPUR in Uttr Prdesh not KANNUR in Krela. Get back immdiately.

It was januvin spalling mstake by telgram pippal. KP draps me to airport and I catch flight to Knpur. Saary for bad joke but I had pleyyarable time with KP in Krela and you know- Aal is wells that ands wells! 

(L to R: Stwinder, Knnar, KP. Captured by Dinkar)

(Note: If you are a Punjabi or a Malayali who didn't like the tone, please read the apology at the end of 'Taaph', a Bengali-English story on this site)