Guilty milord

At the end of Raja's strenuous work-day, a visit to his favorite pub with his favorite friends seemed like the perfectly correct thing to do. A call to his wife Rani to the effect that he was going to be late at work and suddenly he was in the middle of a laughing party of his friends and beer mugs were twinkling everywhere.

Rani called and he motioned his friends to silence, put his beer mug down and took the call. 'Yes, I am on my way home. Stuck in a traffic jam at Brigade road. I will be there in half an hour.'

He disconnected the phone and started to smile at his friends when he noticed their expressions. They were looking with sick horror at something behind his back. Raja turned around slowly and saw a six foot, 130 kilo, saari-clad woman who looked like his mother-in-law inflated with a bicycle pump.

'So this is the traffic jam at Brigade road', thundered the giant. 'I have told Rani hundreds of times not to trust you.'

'But I...', began Raja and the giant shouted. 'Not another word, this has gone on for far too long.' And she held his collar in an iron grip and lifted him up as if he weighed nothing.

Raja looked back helplessly and discovered his friends had vanished from the scene and curiously, the pub, one piece at a time, was turning into a courtroom.

The last to appear in the courtroom was a frowning faced lady judge. With severely tied back hair she looked like an extra dangerous version of Raja's old school principal.

'Mr Raja', she screeched, 'the big fat lawyer here has accused you of the following:
a. Never listening to anything your wise and wonderful wife has to say and always telling her lies
b. Knowing ZERO or NOTHING at all about bringing up your two beautiful children
c. Not knowing even the a,b,c of running a house
d. Never washing any dishes
e. Never making any tea for your wife
Many other charges against you have been dropped because this court does not have the time to go into your numerous faults. What do you have to say for yourself?'

'I...', began Raja and the lady judge screeched, 'Enough said! We have given you a fair hearing and your answers make it clear that you are guilty. Take him away and lock him up!'

Raja now noticed the guard who came forward and pushed him with the sharp end of his spear and he woke up to find his wife's elbow on his chest. She radiated beauty and peace in the half light. There was another hour of sleep left before she would begin playing her forehead-creased-nagger role and he would play his callous-lying-escape-artist role.

I will start washing dishes and making tea, promised Raja to himself as he gently moved the elbow away and went back to a dreamless deep sleep.