Return gift

Ambujakshi from Lepashki was furious! Her hen-pecked husband Satyanarayana who, in his mind called her 'Amby' because of her bulky ambassador-car-like shape, took one look at her and decided to go on a two week business tour of north India. Far away, he thought, so far away that not a single cell phone signal could find him. He had almost escaped out of the front door when he was captured by an 'Emandi!'.
 

'Aiyyo, Tottally gone!', he thought as he turned to face the tsunami. It took one and a half hours, with many interruptions of 'Are you stupid or what', before he finally understood the full story.

Ambujakshi from Lepakshi had been gifted a pink polka-dotted saari in one of the numerous family functions that she frequented. She disliked it so much that at the very next opportunity she gifted it away to her obnoxious distant cousin, Kanakaratnam from Machilipatnam. Useless saari for useless cousin, thought Amby, as she gave it away with a crocodile smile. 

The reason for the earthquake in Satya's life now was that after four years, the very same pink polka-dotted saari had been gifted back to Amby by Sheshanagavalli from Banganappalli. And, said Amby (pay careful attention now because this is the epicenter of the earthquake), Kanakaratnam from Machilipatnam did not even know Sheshanagavalli from Banganappalli. It was clear to Amby that the saari, gifted and regifted, had traveled across Andhra Pradesh from one useless unwanted relative or guest to another till at the very bottom of the chain of uselessness it had come right back to her.

'So, what do you have to say about that?', asked Amby dangerously.

Satyanarayana considered the question in silence. He was certain that no matter what he said he was a goner. Saying nothing was also not an option! He was searching for the least damaging thing to say when his cell phone rang loudly breaking the uneasy silence. It was Airtel! Probably going to sing its stupid signature song to him. 'Airtel', he thought, 'you have saved my life today. I promise to listen quietly to all your crank calls from now on.'

'Hello', said Satyanarayana to the Airtel song, 'What? My god! Are you serious? Ok, when do I have to come? Immediately?'

'Business emergency in North India', said Satyanarayana to Ambujakshi, 'Let us talk when I get back.'

Satyanarayana escaped and returned home only after he heard that the pink polka-dotted saari had been 'return gifted' once again.

(Illustrated by Dinkar)